I'm not far behind you WY. I'm about to hit 48 soon, and I've lost all my grandparents, mother, sister, and two uncles. Just had an aunt and uncle both go to the hospital two days ago, one for mini seizure/stroke activity, the other heart pains. But really bothers me is that I've finally started figuring out the secrets of life... 30 years too late. I think all of us around 50, feel this way. The key is to learn to numb yourself to death at this age and just move forward, like you alluded to. One month of heartbreak, and mourning...drinking with cousins, eating comfort foods... will cost you one year of catching back up to where you were. And at our age, we cannot afford that year. Stay strong and keep a positive outlook on it all.
So sorry for all the stresses. My mom died in May 2016. I was sad and upset, but maintained a clinical detachment in regards to the grieving process. I had put a lot of energy into trying to maintain her health. After she died, I had a lot of nervous energy. I found myself diving right into Forrest's chase. 5 months later, I am BOTG, alone with only my thoughts. I surprised myself with super sobbing. It was a cathartic experience. I felt really connected to her and God. I feel the mountains had a healing effect. The think Forrest passed on some kind of wisdom with his love for those mountains. I hope the chase is a welcomed lovely distraction for you as well.
WymustIgo: Hugs to you. In simple words, it sucks. I am glad you have shared precious time together sharing in a joy- a "thrill." You are so fortunate to have a focus that drew you closer together. Use the words "I love you" out loud to him. Hold his hands. I can't offer anything more.
Don't beat yourself up. It's OK to feel bad right now. You're losing someone very important to you. It is OK to feel everything right now. Money is important. It is tied to so many things. You did what was right for the situation you were in. You can't look back and say what if's. You have the time now to tell your dad out loud that you love him. After he is gone, for which I'm sorry for, you will find him in so many different things. I can't look at a butterfly without thinking of my mom or almost anything brings back a memory. She even came to me in a dream. There's so many things that are yet to come. all you can do is live your life the way you think you should be living it. maybe this is an opportunity for you to make some changes. I know it sounds cliché but when one door closes another one opens. You have lots of opportunity to rebuild things in your life that you don't think are as they should be.